ABC: Grossest Things in Your Food.

I don't even want to know, so keep it. It would only result in an adversity and resentment towards food and I still don't have a death wish.

ABC: Funerals: Beat The High Cost of Dying.
That is pretty much impossible considering the fact that nobody lives forever. The only thing I can think of to do is have no funeral. I will be buried somehow, sometime.

ABC: Budget Botox: $25 for Bungee 'Face-Lift'.
What's the point in spending money on this procedure when your face jumps right back into all the wrinkles, creases and sagginess which you are desperately trying to permanently get rid of?

CNN: Trucker dangles from 30 ft bridge.
At least somebody was glad he decided to have that bungee face-lift done, even if it was only on his truck.

CNN: Can office dogs reduce stress?
I don't know. Does it listen to its 'master's' voice, sit up, give paw, roll over and bark on commanded?

CBS: Report: World's rich hide at least $21T offshore.
Get out your boat, dust off your scuba gear; we are going on a treasure hunt. There is plenty to go around!

Fox News: Katherine Jackson is safe with family, authorities say.
We can only suspect, since half of the family apparently is still not in agreement whether she is, or isn't. To be, or not to be; that remains the question.

Yahoo!: Sorry, these gas-saving tactics don't work.
No, they don't. At least I haven't seen any major improvements in our budget. Maybe that is not due to the tactics, but to the taxes???

Yahoo!: 10 Ways to Get Yard Sale Deals.
Sorry, there is only one way: find them and browse through them!